Cynthia Lennon on Yoko Ono and Losing John Lennon

John had taken acid once more and enthused, 'Cyn, it was great. Christ Cyn, we've got to have lots more children. We've got to have a big family around us.' At this point, I burst into tears . . . All I could blurt out was that, in no way, could I see us as he did. I was so disturbed by John's outburst, that I even suggested that Yoko Ono was the woman for him. John protested at my crazy suggestion and suggested that I was being ridiculous. Although life went on as usual, my fears grew and I felt nervous and depressed. John was unaware of my depression and suggested that, as he had to work for long hours in the recording studios for a few weeks, I should accompany Jenny, Donovan, Gypsy and Alexis on a holiday to Greece. The very thought of sun and sea really brightened my outlook.

The two weeks in Greece were wonderful, a total change. Our arrival home, it seemed, was unexpected. It was four o'clock in the afternoon. The porch light was on and the curtains were still drawn. There were no signs of life . . . just an ominous silence. The front door was not locked, and so we all trooped into the house, shouting, 'Hello, where are you? Is anyone home?' There was no response, until we walked into the morning room, where we heard quiet murmurings of a conversation. When I opened the door a scene that took my breath and voice away confronted me. Dirty breakfast dishes were cluttering the table, the curtains were closed and the room was dimly lit. Facing me was John, sitting relaxed in his dressing gown. With her back to me and equally relaxed and at home, was Yoko. The only response I received was 'Oh, hi,' from both parties. They looked so right together. I was a stranger in my own home. Desperately trying to cover up the shock, all I could think to say was, 'We were all thinking of going out to dinner tonight. We had lunch in Rome and we thought it would be lovely to have dinner in London. Are you coming?' It sounded so stupid in the light of the changed circumstances. The only reply I received was, 'No, thanks.' And that was it. I wanted to disappear and, in fact, that is just what I did. I rushed out of the room upstairs, gathering random personal belongings together. All I knew was that I had to get out. As I ran along the landing, I noticed a pair of Japanese slippers, neatly placed outside the guest bedroom door. Jenny and Alexis were equally shocked and embarrassed by the situation, so when I asked if I could stay with them for a few days, they agreed readily.