"John was devastated. He loved his mum more than anything, but at that age, you're not allowed to be devastated, particularly not teenage boys. You just shrug it off. I know he had private tears. It's not that either of us were remotely hard-hearted about it, it shattered us, but we knew that you had to get on with your life. We were like wounded animals and, just by looking at each other, we knew the pain that we were feeling, but we weren't going to break down and cry because you just didn't do that kind of thing."