Greetings from your No. 1 fan from the States.
Being a sincere and devoted Lennonite, I have for some time (a year, to be precise) been puzzled as to what I could give you for a birthday gift. I mean, what do you GIVE the man who has everything? At last, while reading A SPANIARD IN THE WORKS upside down through right side up glasses, I have at last hit upon the solution! Wham! Zowie! El Pifco!!
The only thing you don't have of course, is--ME! Now, before lovely Mrs. Lennon begins to doubt my honourable intentions, let me explain:
NATURALLY, I know you adore your Cyn, and love nothing more than being with her. SO, for the past several months I have undergone a rigorous training course in the arts of bed-making, dish washing, floor sweeping, dusting, and various other chores which will make me an efficient and indispensable household item. Therefore, I can relieve Mrs. Lennon of her tedious household chores, and enable her to spend that time with you. Also I am accustomed to caring for children of all sizes and ages, and will be only too glad to add the care of your small son to my duties.
My services are offered to you for a FREE home trial, beginning on your birthday and continuing indefinitely (sorry, not trading stamps). I'll be arriving in London on October 9th, all ready to begin. All I need are directions to your residence (perhumps Good Dog Nigel could guide me in?). If you like we can finalize details on August 13th, when we shall both be in Detroit to attend your Concert(s), which I am looking forward to a great deal.
Gosh, don't get all misty--although I can certainly understand how overwhelmed you must be by my unique offer.
Your Loving Fan with
Well, quite honestly I don't know what to say (which makes a change), but nevertheless, never let it be said that Lennon's stuck for words! I've had lots of offers (hee, hee), but never one like this. I'm not underestimating your ability or anything like that Judy, it's just that we've got a lady to clean the house for us, but I'll have a word with one or two or my other influential friends, and see if they need anyone.